news ceroblitz

I feel so bad

I die, and come back, die and come back... the cycle repeats. Mostly because I always cycle between interests like every 2 seasons, and always face a period of inactivity... So I've been the least productive at any point in my life for these past few months, just moping and lazing about since I just feel like all my creativity and passion died alongside my will to do things in general. That mostly comes at the reason of the futility of living and doing general work. I just believe things in a certain way that work for the sake of working-- not even for allowing people to survive or receive money, is just a mindset people have ingrained; if that is a natural thing or whatnot its just something that doesn't make sense; especially since we're on the verge of having technology displace the job balance between the work needed to sustain the population. Just tradition can lead to power and such and so on. Either way, I just feel like the world changes so rapidly that keeping up until the old is out and the new is in is pretty much useless. Probably has to do with the overall transience of things.

Anyways my problem is that I obviously, tend to lose motivation or interest in my own stories, because I end up making them overcomplex-- even though interesting to me at least, fail to see past the light of day since not only do they feel unoriginal-- but lack so much freedom that not working on them is punishing. Since the past few months have gone by, 4 months ago, I was actually making another comic, but that died for a lack of direction + ran out of ideas-- it felt more like a vent and rant but for some reason, when I make comics, I just find revitalization. But I was indeed completely dead these past 4 months for a whole slew of reasons. I just forgot and lost my purpose and desire to do things. That and I extremely hate the concept of money really demotivates me to do things (having money to survive is nice, but thinking about it angers me, so I feel like I'm slowly dying). Yeah, it is a weird thing, but I just detach it from a lot of things-- things have value in utility, but i just feel like money is a better concept where it is used as an expense for expensive things rather than day to day interactions. Eh whatever. This is extremely ranty anyways.

Anyways, I have at least 3 comics that have never seen the light of day. And recently, started working on something again. I don't want to promise anything since I have practically broken every promise of such things in recent times. But I think I might have something this time... Hopefully with elements from here and there and a day to day format ( each page can be read on its own sorta ), it will be more flexible and open up to whatever I want to do.

I've wanted to write something about my thoughts, something shallow and entertaining, something exciting, something cool, something cute, something that hasn't been made before, something that I can just go along with and say: this is something. I just hope that my creative death isn't actually what I think it is and I can go forward with this, and make people and myself happy with my comic.

Thanks to whoever reads this messy post, and stay strong.

 

-ceroblitz

The World of Happiness

What is happiness?

I want to give my stance on this because largely, there are so many problems with this world the thought of happiness is just lost through the ideal of success and what society has defined success as for us.

So what happened to just wanting to be able to do something and do it?
Big aspirations, crushed.
Progress, prevented.
Peace, ruined.
Happiness, destroyed.
Truth, riddled with lies.

 

What prevents all of these is just the hubris of society, where you either follow the rules, and live the most boring standard, commercialized life that your country gives out to you, or die trying to stand out. Regardless of what you desire to be, whatever that is, is part of the big cog of society, even if it is something new. Its hard for me to believe that peace actually exists in this world, as while we are different, there are fundamental things that people don't seem to change as a result of the beliefs upheld in the country. Such as work, forming sides, seeing things through and being open, and so on, none of these things actually do anything good. And the reason why these things exist is a result of people wanting to gain success.

I determine success different from happiness for two reasons. It always relies on an outside factor that easily influences your being, and as a result, you always have to change and adapt in order to further succeed. It's just work in the end, and the fulfilled desires tend to stray away from the original thing. And if that thing is to live in comfort, or to live peacefully, this path couldn't be further away from happiness. Not saying success is bad, but in this society, the fact that it becomes an object of envy, desire, and alteration to your character makes it an unfortunate circumstance of society.

Ultimately, conflict arises from many sides if you see success. Unless you give it up, the cost of maintaining it would require even more work than before.

 

Just knowing that everything is fueled by another's desires as inspiration or aspiration really gives off a state of apathy. Industries are also ruined in order for success, and everything stagnates. Its why industries just tend to repeat things, because it results in better success. Why should they bother being interesting and unusual? Take the gaming industry for example, the vocal majority flock to the "powerful consoles" that repeat games with the same mechanics with just a few new features as content, while those who dare to be original or try to leap into new concepts or innovative perspectives are scorned for not taking the same approach. Why is success so necessary, when you cant even be proud of something that you made? Certainly, being proud of something that you worked hard on is good, but that is not the same as being proud of the creation itself.

Are you happy that you worked on it? Or are you happy with what you made?

That is why I determine success is not the same is happiness.

Because of that I see no desire in working in the industry, and working in terms of societal standards. There is no way I could be happy.

Of course perspectives differ, so I don't hold my thoughts as the teachings of god or anything. But I strongly believe in this.

So what exactly entails happiness?

All of us are slightly corrupted by society, regardless of what you think. Refreshing your stance is good, to revitalize your perspective. But what we think is happiness is different between people, that part is honestly true. So for me, I'll at least say what happiness is to me.

Being able to fully trust and express your feelings without repercussion, and live peacefully and self sustaining without the prejudice of society. That is to spend time with a person to love or just simply spend quality time with, and pass the days without external stress.

 

What do you think will lead to happiness?

 

Think about it before you answer, and answer honestly.

 

 

 

For this, I'm starting to write comics again. Not writing truthfully and from my heart is difficult, and I feel like I'm just adhering to standards and layouts already made for me that I unfortunately follow as they're in the back of my mind. This one will be a bit complex, but hopefully I can get my message across. I can no longer follow standard schedules at my current state so please bear with me. As for noCore, I might have to leave it as such, as a "1shot with 2 chapters", so I apologize again.

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I'm just a fool who lives the hard way... Trying to do as I please knowing that it probably won't be the best for me.

 

 

 

-ceroblitz

hurgh

This blog is not really a personal blog of any sort or any level, but I feel like making a personal post right now.

phew.

Now, where to begin?

 

also, don't read this post

 

its depressing

 

Right now, I am not really happy with a lot of things and see futility in a great deal of things, as if I lost purpose in finding anything to do or feeling anything fufilling. This relates so some of my tweets that have been said in similar fashion. Having access to the internet is great, but for me, its probably too great. I learn things I probably were better off not knowing, enjoy many things without having to work as hard for them, and I feel like I am probably "spoiled" in that sense. Usually, people get a sense of gratification after getting something in return for their hard work, or find something enjoyable that they have not experienced before. Its different for everyone but, in the general sense, that sums of the gist of how people enjoy life in general.

You work, and get rewarded for your work.

Now how this relates to futility, is that recently, my capacity to enjoy these things has been greatly diminished. I have experienced a great deal of things, (as arrogant as that sounds), but that all relates to how I probably perceive things. I just don't feel that gratification after a certain amount of time, and it needs constant refueling, in order for me to keep going. It's just really difficult to put the extra effort into something, to make it great, without much feedback in return, personal and kind of far. My expectations are at a standstill, both low and high, for what I make, but in turn, I never feel like I've made anything that is truly amazing. My game, Recipitation, is something that I am quite proud of for the work I put into it, but ultimately, it isn't something that I could put as my defining piece. I do appreciate supportive comments, but they have a bit of distance to them and lack a sense of community to them, which leads into another problem that is more on my end.

I am very intrapersonal when it comes to making friends, and do not talk much about myself, or my specific interests. My general interests, sure, but I find it very difficult to align myself with general thoughts. This might be why I don't draw fanart of many things, even if I do greatly like them or enjoy them (not to mention the gratification thing). Striking up conversations with unfamiliar people is something I also don't do very often, and in certain settings, tend to prevent them from thriving. Kind of contradictory, with this entire blog post's existence, but that is something I want to fix myself.

Maybe I'm just too picky...

Either way, combine this mentality with the burdens of the future, the end of my college years, things are coming upon myself, and in my year, i'm pretty sure im absolutely the least prepared person that I know. I've made 0 close friends, and tend not to ever go for anything that sits outside my comfort zone. Oddly enough, I don't really regret it, thought I might come to feel so later, as I continue to age and fail to find interest in life. At least on the online spectrum, things are a little better, but only marginally. When those people are gone, you really get a perspective of things, and realize your place in the world, which is pretty lonely and quiet. I really do wonder how I managed to survive so long invested in the internet without ever taking action to abuse the nuances of it. I guess I couldn't really put myself to selling myself or risking my near nonexistent identity with pride or anything, for that matter.

Observing my general status and interests really puts me as an "average joe" on the internet, but with no particular sides or interesting aspects that appeal. I have some ability to draw, but I don't use that ability to make myself relatable with many people, cause i'm so darn selfish and picky.

I wonder how many people are actually reading this silly little post. hah ha ha...

 

Maybe you guys want a TL;DR, so here you go:

The future is bleak, my life is pale, and my personality is selfish and picky. Few things make me feel happy and fufilled these days. Maybe its because I don't have close friends. I hope these times are only temporary...

 

Anyways, I hope this blog post didn't depress anyone who reads it, but if you want to try talking to a difficult and hard to approach person (me), you can try to in the comments.

 

In other news, I do have a bit of noCore generally planned out, but I still need to work out the story details and nuances. I really don't plan on quitting on it, but in my current condition and status quo, it may be a bit more "unstable" in it's medium.

 

 

This was quite the selfish post, wasn't it?

 

-ceroblitz

Summer + Teaser

Summer is already running out.

This summer so far, I have learned a lot of things that I didn't want to know. Boy reality sure does catch up with you on your senior year of college. Getting things done is the most difficult thing ever, and time speeds up like hell.

 

Anyways, since I've been really slacking on getting on my goals, I thought writing a journal would be the #1 way to get back on track. I've kept promising a comic to present to you guys over the summer, but never got around to doing it. So instead, I'm gonna give myself a deadline of certainty. Over the next week, I will begin to release something, no matter what it is, even if it is incomplete or not. Quality will be kept high though, and keeping in mind everything I've said before is of importance! Either way, I feel like gotten to a point where when, and if I look back on these first few panels, hopefully, I won't say they're atrocious (ha ha). Either way, if you follow me on twitter, you have already seen my concept of what I plan to create. I shouldn't be afraid of failure, changing my creation, ideas, developing, or originality, because these things are really chaining me down.

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Starter Characters!

 

Too much planning is fun and always good to get the idea ball rolling, but if the idea never starts, it never gets off, and my responsibility and desire to start it disappears. I have started about 3 different ideas between this blog and the last blog, but none of them made it to the creation stage. They did have lots of development, and one even reached 16 pages of script, and 6000 words for planning and ideation. I apologize again for not actually releasing anything. But this will be different. I will start this one for sure.

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the theme and style!

 


See you guys in a week!

 

-ceroblitz

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