A few thoughts lately.

This is also really rambly, but I tried to organize my thoughts. It's probably likely that many people have also drawn these conclusions, but making it clear through writing is something that is pretty fun.

I've had the time to think about a lot of things lately. There have been a lack of distractions to take away from me constantly thinking about random things in life. An absence of a constant mundane day job to constantly think about, or bills to keep up with, and even a lack of socializing, while maintaining life and doing what I think makes me happy.

So I keep on doing that, and what happens? You begin to question a lot of things about humans, human thinking, and probably start to draw conclusions that sound a bit much for someone who doesn't have the credentials, or research and evidence to back up these thoughts. But then, it is still pure at that point, after all, I'm human and surely my thoughts are valid enough reasoning to be generalized to a certain point. Anyways, I find this interesting to talk about, so I will.

I've written about happiness before in the past, and yes it does seem like everyone is trying some way or some form to make themselves happy. If any of the following makes you happy:

1. Getting a promotion at a job
2. Finding that you gained a spike in followers in social media
3. Having someone well known or you admire recognize your work / creation
4. Giving out gifts to other people

Then well, you're pretty much normal, and I'm pretty sure that pretty much everyone feels that they would get happy from this. So how about this instead, would any of these things make you happy as well?

1. Eating a really tasty meal at a Michelin star restaurant
2. Riding first class on a long flight
3. Winning a sizable sum from the lottery or a gamble
4. Buying the product you've been eyeing for the past few months and finally getting it

Of course, I would also say that you'd probably get a sizable amount of happiness in each of these scenarios. So what makes group A different from group B?

This is where I note my observations, and that from looking at both of them, you'd probably think that, ah yes, the top options are ones that you have been working for, and the bottoms are a nice treat and experience that you get to try out every so often. And indeed, that is certainly one difference. But then again, how different are the feelings you get after experiencing these two different groups?

Let's take a look at group C.

1. Watching a really good TV show or movie, and you find yourself binging to the end.
2. Playing a game you enjoy for hours on end with very few breaks
3. Talking with a significant other / loved one
4. Watching porn, suited to your tastes, or engaging in sexual activities

So as you might see, these activities may be deviating towards much more personally pleasurable things comparatively from more virtuous and things that make you happy, and are also productive. So yeah, it would make sense to separate these things, that hey:”I'm working, seeing progress in what I'm doing, and its quite enjoyable as a result”. Self satisfaction as well as seeing results will yield positive feelings. But therein lies what I find the most interesting.

How different are the feelings you get from any of these experiences?

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In the general sense, it is different, but that's mostly just due to different intensities of experience. So you could say that all in all, all of these experiences are pleasurable, rather than ones that make you happy, more so the latter category in group C and group B.

So this distinguishing element is important, what is the difference between happiness and pleasure?

And that difference really will tell you why everyone does everything they do. Everyone is different, they feel pleasure from different things, even if its far away from what could be considered normal or something, but it is very likely that the feeling of pleasure is still the same.

And that's the thing, happiness can be defined as are more virtuous type of experience that you will find pleasurable, feeling happiness as a result of others, or making others happy- you still feel that same feeling of goodness, but the reasons are wholesome and positive, and thus it is good.

But that level of pleasure can never reach the likes of other things, in fact, it is quite literally the reason why people do things that would disadvantage 10, 100, or even thousands to millions of people. Thus this flaw that people find in others, or what you could call corruption, is really just people seeking pleasure above happiness, as odd as that may sound, because I am certain that a large number of people would prefer a 20% larger paycheck than making a few friends' day better.

You can argue that the money has utility! It can be used to lead to more things! Which, it leads to having more pleasurable things be possible to do, at the end of it all. Using that money to make more money, using it to buy something you have always wanted, go out on a nice dinner, so on and so forth. You can also can use it to manage funds and debt and relieve stress.

With that last point, living expenses is clearly part of the equation as well, where everyone should prioritize their basic living needs overall, it is why things are pleasurable in the first place.

But that's the thing, if people can prioritize pleasurable, unnecessary things over basic life, then how will society respond and function as a result? And this “If” is more like, it pretty much is the only thing people tend to prioritize. How can they make themselves feel better. How can they feel happy. How can they reach higher heights?

This sounds a bit presumptuous so far, but its just the way we are, isn't it? It isn't something that doesn't exclude myself or others in general, striving to reach for constantly higher heights seems to be just part of our nature. If there is a next step, we will always yearn for it. But therein lies a huge problem.

 

---

 

With this nature of always seeking the better, at what cost, at what point does this yearning end? When you have enough money to live your life in peace? Why is it that there are no clear examples of people calmly living out their lives? It may be that such people live low profile enough lives to not become attracted to the public eye, but it seems more often than not, there are those who keep on going, even after amassing millions of dollars, are still not satisfied with what they have. Its definitely because they always seek a higher level of pleasure-- after all, when you have that much wealth, you are likely to go around the world experiencing the best of what everything has to offer, instead of making do with all the experiences the world has at humble and practical levels at any stage of life, or spending what you have instead of aiming higher and higher.

With this extreme rise in wealth from already wealthy to filthy rich, it gets a bit more insane how much its like an endless competition that ends up destroying the goodwill of human nature, in order to fulfill self satisfaction and stakes placed by oneself. The damages caused by such things are so far reaching and self destructive, it is surprising how few people notice it. Or rather they do notice it, but allow it to continue, because it serves their self interest, and even for a greater good, despite having large drawbacks. Why do people overdose on drugs? Why do people become alcoholics? Why do people throw away their lives gambling? It's because the experience and thought of being able to obtain more pleasurable things is in itself pleasurable, the dream and yearning for experiences and feelings never had, comes at a cost; a market for pleasure.

So lets take a step back, and see why happiness is lost, left back, forgotten. Why people who intend to do good things and actually act on them are so rare and yet, so weak and helpless in comparison to the greedy gourmands of today.

The system, or rather, society, once it became a way for people to exploit others instead of rely on the goodwill of others, became this ecosystem of who can fulfill their desires most selfishly will be able to do so. Those with intent on taking every advantage they get, overcoming others, using those in a better position than themselves, those are the people that succeed, because of that burning desire. In comparison, those who also have a burning desire to succeed, but also take detours out of their way and even a sense of altruism, always will face roadblocks, and eventually, once such an individual encounters the selfish and crazy ambitious individual, guess who wins out in terms of resources by the end of it all?

The system encourages selfish and misleading behavior, because those who are supposed to maintain order and balance, also easily succumb to the allure of pleasure. That sounds a bit wrong, but that is pretty much how it is, the money can lead into such things, whether it is used to manipulate and whatnot, all who are involved definitely have the mindset of “How can it benefit me”, with obviously some methods being far more direct than others.

And so, you have large, huge corporations.

Of course, the CEO wants to expand, venturing out and seeking every opportunity to grow and reach every single corner that can be accessed. Otherwise, it may have never gotten good enough in the first place, exchanging thousands and billions of dollars in order to make thousands of billions more dollars. At this point, the goal isn't even money anymore, but the self satisfaction of endless success. Why do almost all these companies dodge things that may benefit humanity? Why are large scale things ignored? Because money and growth isn't to be found there, on an individual level. Having the characteristics of being able to create an extremely large and successful companies and altruism almost never intersect, as a result of individual qualities. It isn't impossible, but usually, it comes from the qualities of seeing humanity be successful be the primary motive to making them happy, or rather, feel pleasure.

I guess it can be said that feeling pleasure does feel a bit sexual in a way, but I guess it more refers to the chemicals released in the mind that stimulate that feeling that everything and everyone yearn for. It's quite interesting to think about in that way, since then its pretty much just finding the most stimuli with balancing with productivity. Its just that self improvement and selflessness feels among the lowest on these things, since you do feel good for doing something good, but the feeling and results of doing that good thing, really don't last that long.

 

Expanding on that however, is that dear god, does that sound depressing. The thing is almost every thing I see that points to that is true. I don't know why or when it began, but its just the natural ego of humans to feel this way. To more clearly illustrate this point,

You are a person who enjoys making music in your idle time, and make a few pieces here are there, getting maybe 200- 400 plays among all of them.

One day, you make one of the best pieces yet, and you find yourself really happy with it.

It also finds surprising success, and starts out with 10x the regular plays. You go to bed excited, and are happy at the end of the day, wondering what can result after making that piece. Thoughts of even more things fill your mind, more followers, possibly spreading out, getting out of your day job and pursuing music.

The next morning, 40,000+ plays are now on that piece, and you are quite astounded. A lot of new followers have taken notice to you, and you revel and start responding to the hundreds of positive comments, thanking everyone for their thoughtful and long comments on how they liked this part of the music, or that part.

Then, you notice one, not well thought out, negative comment “this sucks, why is this getting popular”.

…

Do tell, there are number ways that people can react, but certainly, you will feel a hit from this comment, unless you are jaded to such comments and have a lot of experience with dealing with negativity.

But it still hits hard, regardless.

This is one of the most dumbfounding things I have experienced and seen. Why do we attract towards the negative so much more than the positive? It's dumbfounding that people who are critical and negative can leave such lasting impacts that they get so much more attention than the people who were positive in the first place.

It's just backwards.

Let's say, you have ten thousand fans, and 5 people who are critical of you. I can guarantee that most people will pay more attention and get hung over those 5 people, than the collective positivism of ten thousand people. While the effect of these people actually effecting a work is really low, why does it feel that way? I can probably deduce a few reasons for this.

1. Self improvement, and seeking to grow better.
2. Attachment to your creation
3. Desire to defend and--hate on in return

Most people will respond irrationally to such comments, or at least, think about it irrationally before calming down, and then deciding to either ignore it, question it, or reason with it. Of course this is understandable... But really, the most interesting thing is that, of these 3 options, the one that attracts the most attention is probably the most likely, between the two parties.

I'm sure you've seen things that enrage yourself spread over the internet, and your desire to look more into it, is likely depending on how relatable the subject is to yourself. This is something of the same level, where people can even feign hate to attract attention. This is the most baffling of human behavior, but seeing all my points from before, starts to make A LOT of sense. Attraction and attention will beget pleasure to the individual, even if in a twisted way. After all, the way isolation goes is regressive and against general human conventions that tend to seek pleasure, so seeking attention, in any way possible, will become the more desirable option.

Although I don't feel this way in the slightest, I still can understand where all these people are coming from, and clearly see that everything has a pretty clear reason for the way it is. You can really see that some behavior can easily be explained by just the basic nature of how people are. Constantly expanding and growing, and going for everything that they possibly can is to find advantage over others and win, in a way that serves self interest over all. This is applicable to everyone, but in varying degrees and levels.

Anyways this may or may not have a conclusive statement, I really don't know. It's pretty much a first draft and I feel like when I write something like this, I feel like I may be coming off as condescending, even if I have no intention of doing so. But it was good practice, and I think its good to get it out there and see how other people feel about pleasure and happiness. If you actually read it. Either way maybe if I can condense this I would but owell, maybe it may be an interesting read, or really boring.

 If I had more to add, it'd be about the acceptability spectrum of sexual stuff and more explicit pleasure things, and how that plays into it all, and how life is pretty much just a number game

This is just a big, long twitter ramble. But still its one that I hope is encouraging to everyone and gets my thoughts across about 3-4ish years later.

The source is here, but I will copy everything and paste it below

https://twitter.com/ceroblitz/status/960158505792499713

It is probably to read it directly off twitter, since they're all in nice 280 word chunk limits and spaced nicely. But I'll keep the transcript here anyways.

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i just looked back on 2014 and the oh man era and how creatively motivated i was... man... what did uni do to me..?

honestly, i am surprised at how enjoyable re reading oh man was even now, 4 years later and its like rough and looks horrible, but somehow it is still readable and enjoyable ( and how much i actually made, jesus)

but i see that it started to get a bit out of hand, which i did have plans for... but when it was a loose monster with less planning and worldbuilding, it was a lot more fun to read and write... hmmm

i guess also going through depression long after that point did a number on me as well... oh man has so many chapters but the quality makes me sad so its like even if i decided to continue, how many new readers would drop it at the beginning?

while i might enjoy it since i wrote it, i feel like i have been separated long enough from it to give it a good solid look from what others were reading, so hrm... even so, a lot of experimentation was being done towards the end because i wasn't satisfied with my art.

but either way the ideas i had 4 years ago still resonate with me and i can see why people want to read more, even though it started to get really messy plot wise and a bit hard to keep track of everything... i guess it was hard after that considering uni focuses were growing

right now im primarily focused on practicing drawing and seeing what i can do with that, but i realize a lot of problems oh man had and how i can apply it onwards... but i am still surprised at how i got caught in by it... i thought i'd be cringing at it and stop reading 5 chs in.

anyways if you read this all and are a new follower, just a small reflection and ramble. if you were here since the oh man days, thank you for continuing to follow me, even though its been so long (If you guys are even still active here ).

also just reread through my blog post. all those points still hold true, once the comic becomes an obligation rather than a passion, it crumbles. doing it for monetary gain may have caused that? im unsure, probably not. Honestly its so hard to start and follow through.

I thought id feel bad reflecting on my past, ( though there are some cringy posts on there that i refuse to read), but confronting it was kinda inspiring, and showed me the point of all this. you make good thing if you enjoy it and when its fun, nothing will stop you.

realizing this is one step, and achieving it is a leap. but that leap is hard and difficult to make. but if you do it, you'll be glad you did. I'm glad i released those unfinished comics, oh man, and even cringy posts. even all that bad art makes me happy. its good to be creating.

and honestly, everyone was so supportive back then, i can't believe it. honestly, thank you so much. i've said honestly so much and now it sounds weird. oh well. If you really read all of this, thank you as well.

---- I slept after this part for about 4 hrs ----

more thoughts: that time i was doing the comic is when i was able to grow the most as an artist, just constantly drawing and striving to get better every day. I really do wonder what I lost over time, as it doesn't feel that different, but I know that something is missing in me

I haven't made anything significant in years, really (solo projects), I've worked on a number of things that have taken quite a bit of time (group projects) but maybe that burned out all my ability to create large scale projects since those have all been just learning experiences

but the drive to create is there, but overthinking it is bad. No more overthinking. that nike logo is right, just do it, just do it. I think overthinking oh man may have jeopardized it, and my worry for keeping up quality really interfered with content creation

It's like, I want to make things fast enough to enjoy it as a reader alongside other readers, and don't want to disappoint myself either, so "how can I make this the most interesting to myself as possible, while making things still enjoyable?" large plotholes are bad.

I try my best to avoid all that, and every time i introduce a new thing I have to make sure it flows well, so I have to keep track. But once I do that, is that overthinking it? It certainly helps, but maybe it distracted me so much that it prevented me from continuing the story.

Also, taking in too much media is entertaining, and can help bring new ideas to the table, but that can easily also be considering overthinking it. Oh man was a simple story with acronyms literally thought up on the spot, and it worked great. Don't always take things so seriously

Anyways, wrapping up this extra segment, I'm glad I feel this way. It may be arrogant to say, but I am proud of everything I've made so far. All I can really say is that everything that has bogged me down in the past few years is gone, so, lets keep creating.

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I'd say that I should probably make things before writing, since that's probably my greatest folly and leads to a quick death.

Anyways, take this as what you will.

 

I've been caught up in making another game, but this time it is with my full force and interest-- An mmorpg down to the simplest and bare necessities of online interaction-- while remaining fun with pvp, and balancing the grind and not something that demands your time or makes you solo everything.

It has been a long time over the course of my life to get to this point, but it feels like everything just cycles over and over... As for the comic, I just can't balance out everything at this point, where I only pretty much will release updates whenever I feel like it, whenever I can. The game will be my primary focus for now, and this time, a foreseeable release for you guys and everyone to enjoy is within a viewable time frame-- within the next few months.

Either way, I'll try and make this one brief, but I'm happy to work extremely hard on making this game good ( I've put over 100+ hrs working on graphics, with another working on all the programming), so look forward to it. I'll be posting about it more in depth later.

I die, and come back, die and come back... the cycle repeats. Mostly because I always cycle between interests like every 2 seasons, and always face a period of inactivity... So I've been the least productive at any point in my life for these past few months, just moping and lazing about since I just feel like all my creativity and passion died alongside my will to do things in general. That mostly comes at the reason of the futility of living and doing general work. I just believe things in a certain way that work for the sake of working-- not even for allowing people to survive or receive money, is just a mindset people have ingrained; if that is a natural thing or whatnot its just something that doesn't make sense; especially since we're on the verge of having technology displace the job balance between the work needed to sustain the population. Just tradition can lead to power and such and so on. Either way, I just feel like the world changes so rapidly that keeping up until the old is out and the new is in is pretty much useless. Probably has to do with the overall transience of things.

Anyways my problem is that I obviously, tend to lose motivation or interest in my own stories, because I end up making them overcomplex-- even though interesting to me at least, fail to see past the light of day since not only do they feel unoriginal-- but lack so much freedom that not working on them is punishing. Since the past few months have gone by, 4 months ago, I was actually making another comic, but that died for a lack of direction + ran out of ideas-- it felt more like a vent and rant but for some reason, when I make comics, I just find revitalization. But I was indeed completely dead these past 4 months for a whole slew of reasons. I just forgot and lost my purpose and desire to do things. That and I extremely hate the concept of money really demotivates me to do things (having money to survive is nice, but thinking about it angers me, so I feel like I'm slowly dying). Yeah, it is a weird thing, but I just detach it from a lot of things-- things have value in utility, but i just feel like money is a better concept where it is used as an expense for expensive things rather than day to day interactions. Eh whatever. This is extremely ranty anyways.

Anyways, I have at least 3 comics that have never seen the light of day. And recently, started working on something again. I don't want to promise anything since I have practically broken every promise of such things in recent times. But I think I might have something this time... Hopefully with elements from here and there and a day to day format ( each page can be read on its own sorta ), it will be more flexible and open up to whatever I want to do.

I've wanted to write something about my thoughts, something shallow and entertaining, something exciting, something cool, something cute, something that hasn't been made before, something that I can just go along with and say: this is something. I just hope that my creative death isn't actually what I think it is and I can go forward with this, and make people and myself happy with my comic.

Thanks to whoever reads this messy post, and stay strong.

 

-ceroblitz

What is happiness?

I want to give my stance on this because largely, there are so many problems with this world the thought of happiness is just lost through the ideal of success and what society has defined success as for us.

So what happened to just wanting to be able to do something and do it?
Big aspirations, crushed.
Progress, prevented.
Peace, ruined.
Happiness, destroyed.
Truth, riddled with lies.

 

What prevents all of these is just the hubris of society, where you either follow the rules, and live the most boring standard, commercialized life that your country gives out to you, or die trying to stand out. Regardless of what you desire to be, whatever that is, is part of the big cog of society, even if it is something new. Its hard for me to believe that peace actually exists in this world, as while we are different, there are fundamental things that people don't seem to change as a result of the beliefs upheld in the country. Such as work, forming sides, seeing things through and being open, and so on, none of these things actually do anything good. And the reason why these things exist is a result of people wanting to gain success.

I determine success different from happiness for two reasons. It always relies on an outside factor that easily influences your being, and as a result, you always have to change and adapt in order to further succeed. It's just work in the end, and the fulfilled desires tend to stray away from the original thing. And if that thing is to live in comfort, or to live peacefully, this path couldn't be further away from happiness. Not saying success is bad, but in this society, the fact that it becomes an object of envy, desire, and alteration to your character makes it an unfortunate circumstance of society.

Ultimately, conflict arises from many sides if you see success. Unless you give it up, the cost of maintaining it would require even more work than before.

 

Just knowing that everything is fueled by another's desires as inspiration or aspiration really gives off a state of apathy. Industries are also ruined in order for success, and everything stagnates. Its why industries just tend to repeat things, because it results in better success. Why should they bother being interesting and unusual? Take the gaming industry for example, the vocal majority flock to the "powerful consoles" that repeat games with the same mechanics with just a few new features as content, while those who dare to be original or try to leap into new concepts or innovative perspectives are scorned for not taking the same approach. Why is success so necessary, when you cant even be proud of something that you made? Certainly, being proud of something that you worked hard on is good, but that is not the same as being proud of the creation itself.

Are you happy that you worked on it? Or are you happy with what you made?

That is why I determine success is not the same is happiness.

Because of that I see no desire in working in the industry, and working in terms of societal standards. There is no way I could be happy.

Of course perspectives differ, so I don't hold my thoughts as the teachings of god or anything. But I strongly believe in this.

So what exactly entails happiness?

All of us are slightly corrupted by society, regardless of what you think. Refreshing your stance is good, to revitalize your perspective. But what we think is happiness is different between people, that part is honestly true. So for me, I'll at least say what happiness is to me.

Being able to fully trust and express your feelings without repercussion, and live peacefully and self sustaining without the prejudice of society. That is to spend time with a person to love or just simply spend quality time with, and pass the days without external stress.

 

What do you think will lead to happiness?

 

Think about it before you answer, and answer honestly.

 

 

 

For this, I'm starting to write comics again. Not writing truthfully and from my heart is difficult, and I feel like I'm just adhering to standards and layouts already made for me that I unfortunately follow as they're in the back of my mind. This one will be a bit complex, but hopefully I can get my message across. I can no longer follow standard schedules at my current state so please bear with me. As for noCore, I might have to leave it as such, as a "1shot with 2 chapters", so I apologize again.

 

 

I'm just a fool who lives the hard way... Trying to do as I please knowing that it probably won't be the best for me.

 

 

 

-ceroblitz

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small post for small site

just some random words going here

 

nintendo switch looks neat

 

working on http://skyshotgame.com/

neato burrito