I die, and come back, die and come back... the cycle repeats. Mostly because I always cycle between interests like every 2 seasons, and always face a period of inactivity... So I've been the least productive at any point in my life for these past few months, just moping and lazing about since I just feel like all my creativity and passion died alongside my will to do things in general. That mostly comes at the reason of the futility of living and doing general work. I just believe things in a certain way that work for the sake of working-- not even for allowing people to survive or receive money, is just a mindset people have ingrained; if that is a natural thing or whatnot its just something that doesn't make sense; especially since we're on the verge of having technology displace the job balance between the work needed to sustain the population. Just tradition can lead to power and such and so on. Either way, I just feel like the world changes so rapidly that keeping up until the old is out and the new is in is pretty much useless. Probably has to do with the overall transience of things.
Anyways my problem is that I obviously, tend to lose motivation or interest in my own stories, because I end up making them overcomplex-- even though interesting to me at least, fail to see past the light of day since not only do they feel unoriginal-- but lack so much freedom that not working on them is punishing. Since the past few months have gone by, 4 months ago, I was actually making another comic, but that died for a lack of direction + ran out of ideas-- it felt more like a vent and rant but for some reason, when I make comics, I just find revitalization. But I was indeed completely dead these past 4 months for a whole slew of reasons. I just forgot and lost my purpose and desire to do things. That and I extremely hate the concept of money really demotivates me to do things (having money to survive is nice, but thinking about it angers me, so I feel like I'm slowly dying). Yeah, it is a weird thing, but I just detach it from a lot of things-- things have value in utility, but i just feel like money is a better concept where it is used as an expense for expensive things rather than day to day interactions. Eh whatever. This is extremely ranty anyways.
Anyways, I have at least 3 comics that have never seen the light of day. And recently, started working on something again. I don't want to promise anything since I have practically broken every promise of such things in recent times. But I think I might have something this time... Hopefully with elements from here and there and a day to day format ( each page can be read on its own sorta ), it will be more flexible and open up to whatever I want to do.
I've wanted to write something about my thoughts, something shallow and entertaining, something exciting, something cool, something cute, something that hasn't been made before, something that I can just go along with and say: this is something. I just hope that my creative death isn't actually what I think it is and I can go forward with this, and make people and myself happy with my comic.
Thanks to whoever reads this messy post, and stay strong.